Wednesday, March 18, 2009

An Introduction

How do you introduce a 5 week old baby to her older twin sisters, who unfortunately, are no longer on this earth?

I don't know either, but we did.

Since the weather was so nice today, we decided to make the trip to the memorial gardens where Allison Elizabeth and Emily Ann are buried (you can read their story here and here). It was a strange sensation, pulling into the gardens with Anna Claire in the backseat, knowing that we were going to be sitting at the graveside of our other two daughters in just minutes. I wasn't sure what I was expecting to feel. Would I be sad? Would there be some happiness in knowing that we had Anna Claire with us there this time? Would there be guilt because I felt that happiness? What would Mike feel? Would there be tears? Of course, there always are.

What struck us both is that it will have been 2 years in September since they were born. It seems like so long ago that they were born. So long ago that we sat at the same spot and said goodbye. So long ago that we weren't sure if we would be able to catch our breath from the devastation that had entered our lives. But oh, the hope I grabbed onto in those days, these days too. Yes, I am sad. Yes, I miss them. Terribly. Some days it hurts, some days it doesn't. My arms still ache for them. Every day though, I think of them.

There will come a day and time when Anna Claire is old enough to know and understand the story of her sisters. Until then, it might only be from their framed footprints and the trips to the memorial gardens that she is aware of who they were. I know there will never be stories that start with, "before you were born, your sisters...."But I want her to know how they changed us and how their lives touched so many others. How their lives made her parents not take anything for granted. And how hopefully, from loving and losing them, we are better parents.

I overheard Mike talking to Anna Claire the other day about her sisters. He was telling her they aren't here but that one day she would get to meet them because they were in heaven. I thought to myself when I heard him, that it seemed so far away when we would be reunited, when we would finally all be together. That day when I would be able to hold all of my babies in my arms at one time.

For today though, for a short time, our family was together. ALL of us. Our WHOLE family. A man, his wife and their three daughters. Some of us were there in body, some in spirit. But we were all there, for the first time. It felt good. It felt right. It felt holy.

26 comments:

Christy said...

I have been thinking of you and praying for you today knowing that you were spending time at the memorial gardens. Your words are beautiful Sarah and I can only imagine what a beautiful moment it was today. How much more beautiful the day when your children are held in your arms with Jesus by your side.

I love you all.

Jenni @ nest to keep said...

Hi Sarah~
What a beautiful post! It brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for the loss you and your husband went through by losing your twins, and then also so thankful that Anna Claire is healthy and doing well. I am keeping you in my prayers...

Sandy Toes said...

What a touching post~
sandy toe

MeganSloan said...

I think it's sweet that you did what you did. Your daughter will grow up and know what she comes from a loving family where is she is the youngest of three girls. She will understand your feelings and what you and your husband went through and that you are lucky to have her. It's hard to do the moving on part because you do feel sad and bad for feeling happy, but be happy, enjoy your little one, and know that you (and your daughter) have not one, but two, guardian angels!

Amy said...

blessings to you and your family, Sarah...

Amber B. said...

Don't know what to say, but that is just beautiful. I cried some tears for your babies today.

Botha said...

You are such a dear sweet woman. I'm so glad Mike found you. I love you.
One L.

Buzzings of a Queen Bee! said...

As usual, you talk about your daughters with such sweetness and love, I just tear up when I read it. I know Anna Claire will meet her sisters someday, and be so proud to talk of them while we are still here waiting for that day!
Carrie

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

You are an amazing woman and I know that when the time is right, you will know just how to tell sweet Anna Claire about her precious sisters waiting in heaven.

I am so full of joy for you and your husband for the little bundle of perfection that has been bestowed upon you.

In Him,
Beth

coco said...

Oh Sarah, what a day filled with so many emotions. Your strength and your faith in God are such an inspiration. Anna Claire is blessed to have such a loving family.

USANDCO said...

I'm learning lately about reconciliation. Colossians says Jesus reconciles all things to him... things on earth and things in heaven. I know he gives meaning and purpose to everything you have and will experience. I appreciate your transparency, his grace in you is beautiful!

I'm so glad to have gotten the chance to reconnect with you through your blog!

Becky said...

What a moving and beautiful post. Thanks for opening your heart and sharing that with us. May God continually bless you for your loving spirit!

Anonymous said...

I love that through it all, you and Mike acknowledge God's goodness, faithfulness and love...and rest in the fact that He is in control. Trials have made you stronger and better...though hard, "I will praise you Lord."

Thanks for sharing,
Addie

Joanna said...

Thank you for sharing your touching story with us all.

Frankie said...

Already at the ripe age of 5 weeks you are introducing my grand-daughter to heaven. That is so beautiful. I love my son and his beautiful family. Mike, thank you for introducing her to her sisters and to heaven.

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

Your post made me cry. I have been thinking of you this week, and have been hoping SPring Break with Mike and Anna Claire has been a time of joy and peace for you.

Kimberly said...

I appreciate you sharing your heart with all of us - you and your family are impacting lives of people you will never even know! Sometimes the things we go through are so we can help others through similar situations in the future. You and your family are great examples of praising God in the storms of life, and giving Him the credit and glory for the wonderful blessings in life as well. Enjoy spring break with your beautiful family!

Mom and Dad said...

Once again, you have touched my heart with your mother's love and your faith in your Heavenly Father. I know that the loss of sweet Allison and Emily has only deepened your love for Anna Claire. I also know that someday she and her sisters will know and understand how much you and Mike love ALL of your girls.
Love, love and more love,
Mom

Jen - Balancing beauty and bedlam said...

oh Sarah - that is so beautiful. I don't even know what to say except it's amazing how the Lord will and is using you through this. :)

Annie said...

Beautiful post! Thank you for being a positive and faithful example of living when it is hard to go on.

Katie said...

So beautiful and touching and truly precious.

Every Day Blessings said...

Wow! This is such a sweet post as it was also very sad. You have made it through some difficult days.And I know that you are so blessed to have your little sweetie!
Many blessings ahead!

The Graves' House said...

i pray that God gives you comfort on hard days such as this...

Smelling Coffee said...

Sarah~ This was so beautiful! I wasn't following your blog when you wrote the other two posts about your beautiful baby daughters. Today I read them with tears in my eyes and gratefulness in my heart for all you have allowed God to do in and through yor life because of them. He does make everything beautiful in His time. And He's doing something beautiful through you and through them and their brief lives.

With love... Jennifer

Margie said...

Sarah, I found your blog through Davene's, and want to say how much I enjoyed this post. Thanks for sharing it.

disa said...

AV,無碼,a片免費看,自拍貼圖,伊莉,微風論壇,成人聊天室,成人電影,成人文學,成人貼圖區,成人網站,一葉情貼圖片區,色情漫畫,言情小說,情色論壇,臺灣情色網,色情影片,色情,成人影城,080視訊聊天室,a片,A漫,h漫,麗的色遊戲,同志色教館,AV女優,SEX,咆哮小老鼠,85cc免費影片,正妹牆,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,情色小說,aio,成人,微風成人,做愛,成人貼圖,18成人,嘟嘟成人網,aio交友愛情館,情色文學,色情小說,色情網站,情色,A片下載,嘟嘟情人色網,成人影片,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人漫畫,視訊聊天室,性愛,a片,AV女優,聊天室,情色